There's actually a name for this experience: the tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon. The information may still be stored in your brain. You're simply having difficulty retrieving it at that moment. Think of it like knowing there's something in a filing cabinet but not being able to put your hand on the right folder. The folder isn't necessarily gone. It just isn't coming out when you want it.

These word-retrieval moments can become more common as we age. And they can become even more noticeable when we're tired, stressed, distracted, overwhelmed or trying to do too many things at once. That's important because an occasional word-finding problem does not, by itself, mean you are developing dementia. Let me say that again for the woman who forgot somebody's name yesterday and has been worried about it ever since.

Forgetting a word or name occasionally does not automatically mean something is wrong with your brain. But I also don't want us dismissing every cognitive change with, “Oh, I'm just getting older.” The better question is: What is normal for me, and has something changed?

Do You Still Know What It Is?

Here's one distinction that can be helpful. Suppose you're standing in the kitchen and can't remember the word spatula. You say: “Give me that thing I use to scrape cornbread and cake mix out of the bowl.” You can't retrieve the word spatula, but you know exactly what the object is and what it's used for.

That's different from looking at the spatula and not knowing what it is, what it's called or what you're supposed to do with it. Or perhaps you run into someone and temporarily can't remember her name. That's different from not recognizing someone you know well. The difference matters. Sometimes the problem is retrieval—getting information you know out of storage. Other times, changes may involve more than simply retrieving a stubborn word. That's why patterns matter.

Occasionally struggling to retrieve a familiar word or name can happen with normal aging. So can needing a little more time to remember something. And if the name suddenly pops into your head three hours later, that's usually a pretty good indication that the information was still there.

But pay attention if word-finding difficulties are becoming more frequent, noticeably worsening, interfering with everyday conversations or making it difficult to do things you normally do. Pay attention if you're frequently having trouble understanding familiar words, following conversations, communicating your thoughts or using words correctly. And pay attention when people who know you well begin noticing significant changes too. Those are things worth discussing with a healthcare professional.

There is also one situation where we don't wait and see. If difficulty speaking, understanding speech or finding words comes on suddenly, particularly with symptoms such as facial drooping, weakness or numbness on one side of the body, severe headache, dizziness or difficulty walking, seek emergency medical attention. Sudden language difficulty can be a sign of stroke. There is a big difference between: “What was her name again?” and “Something has suddenly changed in the way she communicates.”

Sometimes It's Not Just Memory

If you are a midlife woman, listen closely. We tend to blame memory for everything, but memory doesn't work alone. Before you can remember something, your brain first has to pay attention to it. Think about how often we're doing two or three things at the same time.

We're listening to somebody while checking a text. We're putting our keys down while thinking about tomorrow's meeting.

We're being introduced to someone while scanning the room for somebody else. Then later we say: “I can't remember where I put my keys.” Or: “I am terrible with names.” Maybe.

But sometimes the problem isn't that your brain couldn't remember the information. Your brain never got your full attention long enough to properly take it in. Sleep, stress, and hydration matter. So does hormonal changes. Medications, nutrition, physical activity, and our overall health can affect how we feel and function. This is why I keep saying: Your brain doesn't live by itself. Taking care of our memory means paying attention to the whole woman.

If you've been reading my recent blogs, you've probably noticed that I keep coming back to this idea:
Learn your normal.
Not because I want us analyzing every forgotten word. I don't want you panicking because you walked upstairs and forgot why you went up there. And I definitely don't want every woman over 50 diagnosing herself with dementia because somebody's name wouldn't come to her at church Sunday morning.

But I do want us paying attention. How often is this happening? Is it becoming more frequent?

Does it happen more when you're tired? What about when you're stressed? Are you trying to multitask? Are you sleeping well? Do the words usually come back later? Is it interfering with your everyday life? Has somebody close to you noticed a change? Those questions help us move from fear to awareness and there's a difference.

This is exactly the kind of conversation I want us having during my 14-Day In Her Right Mind: Midlife Memory and Focus Renewal Bootcamp, beginning October 4th. We're not spending 14 days worrying about dementia. We're spending 14 days learning how to better support the brains we have right now. We'll look at some of the everyday factors that can influence memory and focus. We'll practice strategies for paying better attention, remembering information and supporting cognitive health.

Most importantly, I want you to begin noticing your own patterns. Because the goal isn't perfection. The goal isn't remembering every name, never misplacing your keys or always having the perfect word ready at exactly the right moment. The goal is becoming more intentional about caring for your brain as you age.

Maybe You Don't Have the Words

Sometimes you don't have the words because someone is hurting. Show up anyway. Sometimes you don't have the words because your own heart is hurting. Pray anyway. Even if all you can say is, “Lord help…”

And sometimes you don't have the words because the name of that thing you're staring at has apparently decided to hide somewhere in your brain. Don't panic.

Give yourself a minute. Pay attention to the pattern. Support your brain. And if something seems significantly different from your normal, don't be afraid to ask questions. Because getting older doesn't mean we're going to remember everything. But getting older also doesn't mean we should stop paying attention to how we're remembering. And sometimes, just when you've given up trying to remember...

MELANIE! There she is.

Let's keep learning how to get—and stay—in our right minds as we age.

Blessings,

Dr. Janice R. Love

In Her Right Mind