Memory Needs Focus So Stop Making Your Brain Compete

For years, many of us wore multitasking like a badge of honor. We could cook dinner, answer a text, listen to the news, help somebody find their shoes, think about tomorrow’s meeting, and remember to take the meat out of the freezer for the next day. Or at least we thought we could.

But the truth is, most of what we call multitasking is really task-switching.

The brain is not calmly doing five attention-heavy things at one time. It is switching back and forth between them. And every switch has a cost. It may cost us time and accuracy. It may cost us calm and patience. And yes, it may cost us memory. Because your brain cannot remember well what it never had the chance to focus on. That is the part we often miss.

Sometimes we think we forgot something because our memory is failing, when the truth is, our attention was divided from the beginning. If I put my glasses down while thinking about three other things, I may not remember where I put them. Not because my brain is broken, but because I never gave that action my full attention.

If I walk into a room and forget why I came in, it may be because another thought interrupted the original thought before I got there. If I read the same paragraph three times and still do not know what it said, it may be because my eyes were reading but my mind was somewhere else.

If someone is talking to me while I am looking at my phone, checking an email, or thinking about my to-do list, I may hear their voice without fully receiving what they said. That is not just a memory issue.  That is a focus issue. And focus matters because focus helps information get into the brain in the first place. 

Something usually has to get our attention before it can be stored, recalled, or used later. That is why turning the music down to park makes sense. The music is not bad. The parking is not impossible. But at that moment, both are competing for the brain’s attention. And when safety, judgment, spacing, timing, mirrors, brakes, and steering are involved, the brain says, “Can we please have a little quiet?” That is wisdom.

I have learned this in other areas too. I cannot write while listening to music with words. I used to think I could, but if someone is singing while I am trying to write, my brain starts following their words while I am trying to find my own. That does not work. So when I write, I often listen to piano music or classical music. No lyrics and no competition. Just enough sound to settle me without stealing my words. That is what I call focus protection. Focus protection is when we create an environment where the brain does not have to fight so hard to do what we are asking it to do.

Protecting your focus is not weakness, it is wisdom. Sometimes we need fewer sounds. Sometimes we need fewer screens. Sometimes we need fewer tabs open. And sometimes we need to stop pretending we can hold two conversations at once. Because I know I cannot. If two people are talking to me at the same time, my brain eventually says, “Pick one.” Our brains were never designed to give full attention to everything at once.

For many of us, yes. But that does not automatically mean something is wrong. Midlife can bring a lot of changes that affect focus. It could be sleep changes, hormonal changes or simply stress. Grief and caregiving can easily change our focus. Work demands, responsibilities, family needs can play a part in our lack of focus. In today’s world one of the biggest areas we may experience focus challenges is due to technology overload, too much noise, too many notifications and too many decisions. I have often complained that there are too many people needing something at the same time.

So sometimes the question is not, “Why can’t I focus like I used to?” Sometimes the question is, “Why am I asking my brain to carry so much at one time?” That is a different question and it is a more compassionate one. We do not need to shame ourselves for needing quiet or criticize ourselves for needing to write things down. We do not need to call ourselves old because we cannot listen to two conversations, answer a text, plan dinner, and remember where we put the keys all at the same time.

Maybe our brains are not failing, maybe they are overloaded, under-rested or distracted. Maybe your brain is tired of competing. That is why I believe focus is a form of brain care. When we protect our focus, we support our memory.

When we slow down, we give the brain a better chance to receive information. When we reduce competing noise, we help the brain decide what matters. When we do one important thing at a time, we improve our chances of remembering it later. So what can we do?

Turn down the music when you need to concentrate. Put the phone away during important conversations. Write things down without apologizing for it.

Say important actions out loud.

·      “I am putting my keys on the table.”

·      “I am locking the door.”

·      “I am taking my medicine now.”

·      “I am setting this bill by my laptop so I can pay it after lunch.”

Create simple routines, use visual reminders, and give yourself a quiet place to read, pray, write, or think. Choose lyric-free music when you need to focus. Take a few seconds to pause before moving to the next task. Stop expecting your brain to hold everything without support. And maybe most of all, stop treating distraction like a personal failure.

We live in a noisy world and everything is fighting for our attention. Our phones are dinging. The TV is talking. Emails are coming in. Calendar notifications are coming in. The news is scrolling across our screen. Someone in our family is calling. Our mind is racing. And then we wonder why we cannot remember what we walked into the room to get.

Your brain is doing a lot.

So maybe this week’s invitation is simple:

Stop making your brain compete and give it quiet when it needs quiet. Give it rhythm when it needs rhythm and give it rest when it needs rest. Give it focus when you want it to remember.

Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Whenever I have too many things going on this is a reminder for me to sit in quiet and be quiet. I know we usually think of stillness as spiritual, and it is. But stillness can also be cognitive mercy. It gives the mind room to settle and helps us to notice what we are doing or what is being said. Stillness helps us remember what matters.

This month, we have been talking about memory and the midlife brain.

We talked about how memory is personal. We talked about how memory is connected to emotion, rhythm, repetition, meaning, and attention. And this week, we are remembering that memory needs focus. So no, you are not strange for turning down the music to park and you are not weak because you need quiet to think. You are not failing because you cannot write with lyrics playing in the background and you are not less capable because two conversations at once make your brain want to leave the room.

You are human. And your brain deserves support.

Multitasking may make us feel productive, but focus helps us be present. And presence gives memory somewhere to land. Here are some reflection questions to determine where your brain may need more focus. 

·      Where in my life am I asking my brain to do too much at once?

·      What tasks require more quiet or fewer distractions than I have been giving myself?

·      When do I notice my focus slipping the most?

·      What do I often forget because I am rushing or distracted?

·      Where can I create more “focus protection” this week?

·      What is one thing I can do with my full attention instead of trying to multitask?

This Week’s Gentle Practice

Choose one daily task and give it your full attention. No phone. No background noise.

No multitasking. Just presence. It might be taking your medicine, locking the door, reading a devotion, writing a paragraph, having a conversation, or putting your keys in the same place.

Notice how it feels when your brain does not have to compete.

With you in this season,

Dr. Janice R. Love

In Her Right Mind