Have you ever forgotten where you
put your phone and then started talking to yourself like you were the problem?
I have.
At least once or twice — and maybe
more times than I care to admit — I have forgotten where I put my phone. Just
this week I was heading out for a dentist appointment and could not remember
where I had put it. I was already trying to leave the house, and now I was
walking from room to room yelling, “Hey Siri!” hoping my phone would answer me.
Nothing.
I checked the obvious places, still
nothing. I was about to be late because I could not remember where I had put my
phone. Finally, I found it. It was with the laundry I had just finished
folding.
And do you know what I said to
myself? “That was real smart.” That was not exactly a compliment, it was
criticism.
And if I am honest, I have done
that more than once. I have also managed to hide things from myself by putting
them in what I called a “safe place.” You know, the kind of safe place that is
so safe even I cannot find it later.
Real talk: sometimes we are not
very kind to ourselves when we forget.
We forget an important item, or
miss a special day. We overlook an appointment or lose our keys. We put
something somewhere “for safekeeping” and then need a search committee to find
it.
And almost immediately, the
criticism starts.
“What is wrong with me?” “I am
getting old.” “I should have remembered that.” “That was dumb.” But what if
forgetfulness is not always a reason to criticize ourselves? What if sometimes
it is an invitation to support our brains better? That is where I want us to go
this week.
Instead of being critical of our
brains, let’s learn how to support them.
Memory can be supported, not perfectly
controlled or magically fixed overnight. And definitely not strengthened by
shame, but supported. Memory does not improve through panic, fear, or
name-calling. It improves when we give the brain what it needs. And our brains
need more than willpower.
They need sleep, movement, hydration, nourishment and
attention. They also need routines,
connection, renewal, and most of all grace. Sometimes we forget because
we are distracted or rushing. Sometimes we forget because we are tired or as I
mentioned last week, because we are doing too much at once. Sometimes we forget
because we never created a system and expected our brain to carry everything by
itself.
In those times we need to stop
saying, “That was real smart,” and start asking, “What support does my brain
need right now?” That one question can change the whole conversation. When we start noticing memory changes, it can feel
unsettling. We forget a name or lose our train of thought. We misplace our
phone and can easily walk into a room and wonder why we came in. And if we are
honest, sometimes our minds go straight to fear.
Every memory slip is not a
diagnosis.
Sometimes it is a signal that your
brain is tired distracted or overwhelmed. It could be as simple as being
dehydrated or underfed. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep last night or have
been feeling stressed out. That does not mean we ignore serious changes. If you
or someone you love notices significant memory changes, confusion, getting
lost, trouble completing familiar tasks, or changes that interfere with daily
life, it is wise to speak with a healthcare provider.
But we also do not need to panic
over every misplaced phone, forgotten breakfast, or hidden “safe place” item.
The first step is support
Memory is not separate from the
rest of your life. Your brain is affected by how you sleep, move, eat, drink,
focus, connect, think, and renew your mind. So let’s talk about what support
can look like.
Sleep
A tired brain has a harder time
focusing, remembering, regulating emotions, and managing the day. Sleep is not
just “rest.” Sleep is restoration. It gives the brain time to process,
organize, and recover. A sleep-deprived brain is not being stubborn, it may
simply be running on fumes.
If you are struggling with memory,
one of the first questions to ask is, “How have I been sleeping?” Not just how
many hours were you in the bed, but did you feel rested? Did you wake up often?
Did your mind race? Did you stay up too late scrolling, worrying, or doing one
more thing? Sometimes memory support starts the night before.
Movement
Your brain needs blood flow,
oxygen, and energy. Movement helps support all of that. And no, you do not have
to train like an athlete to bless your brain with movement. Things like
walking, stretching, dancing and taking the stairs counts. Moving your body
during the day helps wake up the brain, support mood, reduce stress, and
improve overall health. Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do for your
brain is get up and move the body God gave you.
Hydration
Sometimes brain fog is not a deep
mystery, your brain is thirsty. Dehydration can affect how alert, clear, and
focused we feel. And many of us are walking around under-hydrated, wondering
why our minds feel cloudy. Before you assume the worst, ask the simple
question:
“Have I had enough water today?”
Coffee, tea, soda do not count. Your brain needs water.
Nutrition
Your brain needs fuel. It needs steady
energy, not just quick sugar highs and crashes. It needs nourishment. Protein,
healthy fats, colorful fruits and vegetables, fiber, and balanced meals all
matter. So does paying attention to how certain foods make you feel. You cannot
consistently feed your brain chaos and expect clarity. That does not mean you
have to eat perfectly, but it does mean we can begin asking, “Is this helping
my brain or making it work harder?” That question alone can lead us toward
better choices.
Attention
We talked about this last week:
memory needs focus. Your brain cannot remember well what it never had the
chance to focus on. If you put your phone down while thinking about the
laundry, the dentist appointment, what time you need to leave, and whether you
remembered to lock the back door, your brain may not fully register where the
phone landed. That is not always a memory failure, sometimes it is divided
attention. Attention is the front door to memory.
So support your memory by giving
your attention a chance. Slow down, say things out loud.
“I am putting my phone on the
kitchen counter.” “I am placing my keys in my purse.”“ I am putting this
document in the top drawer.” It may feel silly at first, but it works because
you are giving your brain a stronger signal. You are helping it file the
information.
Routines
Routines reduce mental load. That
is not weakness, this is wisdom. Put your keys in the same place. Charge your
phone in the same place. Use a calendar and set reminders. Write things down.
Pill organizers are great for remembering medicine. Keep your important items
in a consistent location. When my sister travels she always creates a packing
checklist. Create a “leaving the house” checklist if you need one: phone, keys,
glasses, purse, water. Systems are not a
sign that your memory is weak. Systems are a sign that you are wise enough not
to make your brain carry everything by itself. You are not cheating by using
reminders, you are supporting your brain.
Social Connection
Memory is not only supported by what
we do alone, it is also supported by connection.
Conversation, laughter, meaningful
relationships, prayer circles, sister friends, family stories, church
community, learning groups, and shared experiences all stimulate the brain.
Isolation is not brain care. We
need people who help us think, laugh, remember, process, and stay connected to
life. Sometimes a good conversation can wake up parts of us that stress and
isolation have been trying to shut down. Your brain was designed for connection.
So do not underestimate the power of a phone call, a walk with a friend,
lunch with someone who makes you laugh, or a conversation that reminds you that
you are not alone.
Faith-Filled Renewal
A renewed mind is not just a
spiritual phrase, it is a daily practice. Romans 12:2 reminds us to be
transformed by the renewing of our minds. That renewal is spiritual, but it is
also practical. What are you meditating on? Faith-filled renewal helps us calm
our thoughts, redirect our attention, and remember what is true. You are a
whole person who deserves care, support, patience, and grace.
Reflection Questions - What support
does my brain need?
So this week, I want you to
practice a different response when you forget something. Instead of criticizing
your brain, ask yourself the following questions.
·
What memory changes have I noticed without
immediately judging myself?
·
Where might my brain be asking for support?
·
How has my sleep been affecting my focus and
recall?
·
Am I giving my brain enough water, movement,
nourishment, and rest?
·
Where do I need a routine or system instead of
trying to remember everything?
·
Who helps me feel connected, encouraged, and
mentally alive?
·
What truth do I need to meditate on this week
instead of rehearsing fear?
This Week’s Gentle Practice - Choose
one memory support habit this week.
You do not have to change
everything this week. Start with one support, one habit or one adjustment.
·
Put your key in the same place every day.
·
Drink more water.
·
Take a short walk.
·
Write appointments down immediately.
·
Stop calling yourself names when you forget
something.
Your memory is not just something
to fear losing. It is something to understand, honor, and support. So this
week, do not shame your brain. Support
it instead.
With you in this season,
Dr. Janice R. Love
In Her Right Mind
